Change! This is one very controversial word. People would always say I would change, but almost always don’t specify if it is going to be positive or negative. Nigeria voted for change, but we still are not sure of the kind of change we are getting. Now to the main content of this write up: guys with bad habits that always say “give me another chance I would change”. I know guys reading this are already saying they are not the only ones with bad habits, ladies have bad habits too. This is true, but hey, I am a lady, and I relate better to guys with bad habit.
Guys could have any of these bad habits; seemingly trivial things like teeth grinding, snoring, chewing out loud, not cleaning up after himself, using bad language (cursing), amongst others, to serious things like, serial, incessant beating and cheating, anger issues, insecurity, not flushing the toilet , amongst others(although these things are relative). I used the word “seemingly” for the first examples because one would say chewing out loud for example is trivial, until she can’t stand eating with her spouse in the same place or she is constantly angry anytime he eats close to her, and at that point small thing would just ignite the fire inside.
So a girl is dating a guy (serious relationship) with one of the above mentioned bad habits, and then she complains about it, he says “I’m sorry I would change”. It’s like a slogan, they would always say I would change. Then the lady (mostly) believes and convinces herself that he would change and hangs on to that hope. Then he does the act again and the cycle continues. In my opinion, people rarely change because of someone. Change has to come from a prepared mindset which has to be from the person alone. Some ladies would say he would change because of me, or when we get married he would change, or when he becomes a father he would change. Not to be a party pooper, but the truth is people rarely change because of someone. Yes there is something called positive influence, but if a mind is not prepared to change, no matter the positive influence, it won’t work. So my advice is, it’s either you are ready to manage him like that, and if HE decides to change, awesome! or be ready to complain forever.
Even if someone would change sef, there are certain people and certain situations that you just know is a lost cause. For example a guy in his early twenties that cheats, there is a probability he would change when he matures more. I have always said it, a guy in his mid-late thirties that still cheats would most likely cheat for life except by divine intervention, so if a guy within that age range tells you he would stop and you know you can’t stand cheating, madam! Remove your slippers and run.
Ladies should also know that if a guy has decided to change, it’s not going to be easy; he would most at times have a relapse once in a while. For instance a guy that doesn’t flush the toilet, he may want to change, but she should expect that one day she would still jam shit in the toilet. Another example is a woman beater, if the lady have decided to not run for her life (which I strongly do not advice) and agrees that he would change, he may truly want to change o, but she should have it at the back of her mind that one day she will say or do something annoying and he would woz her slap. Not the one that she would coman be crying and say “but he said he would change”. Another example is a man that cheats, if she believes he would change, and he too may truly want to change, she should expect that one day she would still catch him “mistakenly” eyeing another girl.
Ladies should learn to accept the bad habits / flaws of a guy instead of jumping into the “he would change” wagon. If she accepts it, it would be a win win for her either way; if he doesn’t change, she has already accepted and is ready to live with it, if he decides to change and is transitioning, she would be able to bear his relapses, because change is a gradual process. So it’s now left to the lady to know what kind of bad habits she can accept and live with and the ones that are deal breakers. If she knows she can’t stand it, then she shouldn’t go ahead, I repeat, do not do it. Because he may not change, even if he does, it won’t be instantly.