In the history of break ups, no one ever broke up because someone loves them “too much”, people often find silly excuses to cover their true motive, excuses such as “you’re too good for me i don’t deserve you” or “there was no breathing space” or “you made me block my family and lose true friends” and on and on and on. Really?
It takes a sensible person to read between lines when you hear excuses like this. At a point, you were begging to be loved, at some point you were begging for all of the said attention, at a point you willingly do these things, you now consider “useless”, If it has ever made you happy, it’ll be hyprocritical of you to now criticize it. What changed? Do you have such a short memory?
I wonder how relationships go from “I love you more than anything” then straight to “You are the worst thing that ever happened to me on earth” What changed? What happened?
Do you ever really forget your lovers’ birthdays, or all your first times, intimate? Do you forget their sacrifices for you? Are the things you did and promises you made ever really neutralized? Do they become void now that you’re broken up or do you decidedly ignore them? Or are you that conscienceless and heartless?
The emotional trauma they make you go through before they actually go to the point is beyond imagination, hearing things like “limit your love” “stop jealousy” “let’s give each other space” “just a friend” “If you keep on loving me you keep hurting yourself.” Imagine this coming from someone who once craved and begged you to give them all these things?
We can be with someone for years without knowing whether they truly love us or not, we can give them our body, mind, time, money and soul, our everything, and they’ll still cheat, ungratefully. Perhaps they were with us because they have no better option yet or it’s just in the blood to be a conniving backstabber or simply want to be “free” to explore the “labour market”. We’ll never know.
I want to believe that you either love someone, in some way, forever, or you never really loved them at all. There’s no in between. No silly excuses.
If you want to break up there are ways to it, mature and responsible ways, like normal humans do, not make the person feel as though they were not good enough, or make them doubt themselves or humiliate and make them a laughing stock in the public’s eye. All for loving you.
Infidelity to me is the only unforgivable sin in a union. You know what sucks more than being cheated on? Being cheated on twice, or three times. Or four. Ad infinitum, the more times a person cheats and subsequently lies about it, the less guilty they feel about it.
This are the type people that’ll say this and that broke up with me because of “small cheating”. Three to four times is “Small cheating”, or serial cheating? It’s beyond me.
Cheating is usually one of the moral crimes that is often hard to forgive, but sometimes we are blinded by our love for a person, fall for their lies and façade and give them a chance again.
Cheating is a product of not being satisfied from where you’re coming from, such people are ever hardly satisfied, so they wander about, never finding what they are looking for.
Love is as potent and volatile as hate, often there’s a thin line between the two. And infidelity often cleans that line as quickly as a wet towel cleans some beauties. Our unwavering love for a person suddenly turns to an unwavering hate for them. So within the blink of an eye, the “i love yous” turn to “i hate you”.
It’s interesting to think about how we make people who used to be everything to us into nothing again. How we learn to forget. How we force forgetting. Grief is a faster teacher than joy.
Like Lao Tzu rightly stated, if you wait by the river long enough, you will one day watch the bodies of your transgressors float by. Patience is all.
By: Isa Eneye Mubarak